My house is so quiet!  Hubby is at work and my 8 year old is chillin' in the Bahamas at the Atlantis Resort!  Lucky little kid was invited to go with her friend and parents on vacation all expense paid - down to the passport!  We are blessed to have such generous and loving friends in our lives!

I ask for the quiet but when it actually gets here I have to think and ponder....and that can be scary.  There, I said it.  I don't really like to be quiet and think so I keep busy with shopping, talking, computer, projects, cleaning, etc,.etc.  Isn't it easier to stay busy than have time to think?  Isn't it more pleasant?

When it's quiet and I find myself having to think and ponder here's the deal.  I ponder my life and where I went right, where I went wrong, decisions I've made, regrets I have, people I miss, people I don't miss, friendships lost, family lost, family here, illness, heaven, the dusty house, the laundry, the cleaning, and the list goes on, and on, and on.  Now that doesn't sound like very much fun....and it is scary....and it can be very melancholy.

I don't like melancholy.

I like joy.  Joy is fun, joy is life, joy is love, joy is laughter.  There isn't much joy in quiet.

But there is a problem....without quiet I don't hear God either.  I can't shut down my "ponder" enough to hear Him or to even listen for Him.

and that's scary...

So it's scary to be quiet.....and it's scary not to be quiet.

Sound like mindless blather?   Hmmm....now I think I'll have to be quiet and ponder that too.

Not Fair Part Two

So this time it's me saying "Not Fair".  My sister Kelly is battling Renal Cell (Kidney) cancer again!!  She has a blog by the way - "This One Life" - Kelly Vaughan Beucler.

Here goes. 
-It's not fair that I have to see her suffer pain and discomfort on these drugs that are supposed to be helping.  Gracie says "Mommy, why do they give her drugs that have poison in it??" with a little shake or her sassy head.   Even though I know they are helping her - not fair.
-It's not fair that she felt she had to leave all of her dear friends and her quiet country life to come back to Florida just to be near us.  We love that she is back and we can help and support her but still....
-It's not fair that we have wasted so much time.
-It's not fair that her hands and feet burn.
-It's not fair that anyone who has so much life ahead has to battle this ugly disease.
-It's not fair that I don't get to hear her laugh as much.
-It's not fair that my younger sister runs out of energy before I do.
-It's not fair that there is no cure.

I could go on but feeling sorry for her and myself doesn't change anything.  Prayer does.  Hope does. Faith does.  But I'm a little angry at God.  I learned years ago that it was okay - He understands. 

Just needed to get that off my chest.  and God...I always love you but please - can you just fix this?

Moll

So what's up with that?

Okay...I've had enough lettuce to last a life time at this point.  Can someone please tell me how to stay on a diet long term? 

Here's the scoop....
I know that you need to eat small several times a day to keep your metabolism going.
I know that you need to eat foods as close to nature as possible (i.e. lots of vegies, fruits, proteins, blah blah etc.).
I know that you need to move to burn calories. 

So WTH!!!?  If I do all that and don't lose a pound what am I doing wrong? 

Geez Louise, somebody give me a clue?  Seriously - if I have to live on lettuce I will grow long ears and a cute little tail (it might be cute now but it's certainly not little!!).

Where was my recording button?

The girl Gracie stayed up very late last night just hanging out with me.  I knew that today around 3:00 it would be kicking me in the butt but it was quality mommy/daughter time anyway.

Well, it lasted until about 5:30 pm this evening when I called her in for dinner.  The tears and dramatic interpretation of my "meanness" started.   I managed to remain calm although I was pretty pooped out myself and explained it was more important to come in and have dinner with Daddy for his birthday than to keep playing outside.  The look in her eyes was classic as she, I'm guessing, realized this to be true. 

Then it happened...the words that I will probably never hear again in this lifetime...

"Mommy, I love you because you are my mommy and you are right.  You are right about everything.  I only know that you tell me things because they are right.  You are always right !". 

Why oh why didn't I have time to push the record button!!

IT'S NOT FAIR!!

After rebuilding the marble "run" for the umpteenth time while entertaining my 5 year old and her friend tonight, I finallly cracked.  They were sharing a can of more than 100 marbles, all different colors, types yet they were fighting over how many they would get.  These girls were shoving so many marbles in their hands that they were dropping them and they were rolling all over the floor - yet there were still many, many in the can.  It was as if they were desparately trying to get the most they possibly could and make sure each had more than the other.  When one finally got one more out when the other couldn't I heard "IT'S NOT FAIR" and the tears started.   That was my breaking point,

I calmly asked both girls to put all the marbles in the can, took apart my masterpiece marble run and proceeded with the "talk".  "Girls, it does not matter which of you has more marbles, or what color or size or even how pretty - they are all going to come down and you can choose them again.  We are all old enough to share what we have and if one of us gets more than the other - then that's okay too.  Things aren't always going to work out exactly fair - in fact sometimes things are really unfair.  That's when we make the most of it and try to have fun anyway!'

I would like to think I taught them both a bit about grace and perseverance tonight.  Many times especially lately I've wanted to shout "IT'S NOT FAIR".  But even if they didn't "hear me", I reminded myself that it's okay if it's not fair, if it's not always equal, if we don't have as much as someone else - money, happiness, whatever. 

That it's okay to just make the most of it and have fun anyway.'



Jer. 29:11 thought:  I have a plan for you - are you listening?

Why Molly?

To be completely honest, which I make every attempt to be, I chose the name Molly because it was my childhood nickname.  Stacy - Molly - they go right?   My sister was Millie and I was Molly Mugwumps.  Really I had no idea why my father nicknamed us this as children.  So, what should you do if you don't know something and you wish to know something?  A Google Search - what else!!  I did find out about a group called The Mugwumps who were republicans that supported the democratic candidate Grover Cleveland but I'm was almost certain that's not where the nicknames came from.  I'm sure that my sister and I were not little republican activists at that age!

When I couldn't find any substantial information on the Internet, the thought finally occured to me after 35 years or so to actually ask the one person who would know why or what they meant.....my dad!  Hello!  So, I called him up and was anxious to hear the perfectly fantastic explanation on how these nicknames were created.   I guess I was hoping for some marvelous story about two beautiful sisters who were loved by God and did wonderful and great things!  To my dismay (or maybe actually my relief at not being held to some mystery standard), my dad said "oh, I made them up.  It was a hard decision which to name Millie and which Molly.  Do I remember right that you are Molly and your sister Millie?).   

I love you dad and yes, you are right.  I am Molly.

Like my days - under construction.

On being Molly - I will explain later why Molly but just welcome you and would welcome suggestions on building my blog and page.  Let me know, give me ideas, good or not so good.  This will be an evolving project!

Stace